Monday, Aug. 12, 2002 - 10:41 p.m.
Would You Like My Autograph Now…or Later?

On my recent holidays with Mom and Dad, we spent a couple nights visiting my eighty-four-year-old Grandma. The first night there, I was browsing through the small bookshelf in her guestroom and came across my first book. That’s right, I am, after all, a published writer eh? I started writing poems and stories in Grade 2 and a couple years later my Aunt Myra printed up a booklet—A Collection of Poems and Stories—and everyone in the family got one. I hadn’t laid eyes on this collection of juvenilia for aeons, and that night I stayed up for a couple hours reading through it. Grandma sent her copy home with me, as I don’t seem to have kept one.

There was something indescribably heartening, reading through this stuff now, as I face, as a so-called adult, yet another “start-and-stop” go-around with writer’s block, with my perpetual lack of self-confidence that keeps me from knuckling down and getting to work. From opening myself. I remember vividly that by the time the booklet was printed up and distributed that Christmas when I was eight or nine, I’d already stopped writing very much. There was already some inchoate, scary sense of differentness, a quickening of my pulse around cute boys on the schoolyard, that silenced my pen.

All these years later, as an out gay man with all kinds of potential to explore, is it not time to get at it, whatever “it” ends up being? “It” is simply curiosity, and risk, and whimsy. And, most of all, scariest of all, “it” is simply self-trust.

Anyway, thought you might get a kick out of some of these precocious pieces.

YOUR INSIDE SELF

Inside your body is a very interesting thing.

About the middle of your body there are two men playing cards. When one cheats the woman-who-makes-their-meals' coffee boils over because of their madness. That's why your stomach bubbles. When the men get in tantrums they throw each other against the wall which is the side of your body. If the men hit your stomach you would get a stomach ache!

In your head is a thing called a brain. There is a lady teaching it things.

In your ear is a tiny man who hears everything. If it is a fact he calls over the loud speaker to the brain teacher and tells her. Then she tells the brain. If it is a question the little man calls the brain teacher. She tells the brain and it forms a message to the answerer. He is the man who lives in your mouth. He reads the message and then yells as loud as he can which is only a plain toned voice to us , and it comes out our mouth as talk!! When it is a scream he says it over a loud speaker and it comes out in a scream.

Your eyes are cameras. Every second you have to blink. And that is when your camera's eyes take the picture. The picture slides down a slide. Lets say you see your mother dead. The picture slides to your brain. The woman shows it to him. He writes a message to the talker. The talker screams over the loud speaker and then cries.

When you eat there is a dump truck that takes your food down to the factory. Sometimes the truck gets stuck in your throat. That makes you choke. You get a drink of water and that pushes the truck down.

BACK TO SCHOOL

Back to school is fun
When the merry bell dings
You have a new pencil
And an eraser and things.

You have a new teacher
And meet old friends
But sorry to say
That's where this poem ends.

THE BIG BALLOON

Once a boy named Jim had a very big balloon. One day he had company. He had to sleep in his balloon. That night some silly crooks came. One said: "You blow up this balloon. I go get the money.” The other one said: “Duh Okay" and began. When he finished he went to look for his boss. While he was gone a rabbit chewed holes in the sandbags. The balloon raised! It got higher and higher. When Jim woke up he found himself on Mars! When the martians saw him they put him in a museum. He may be there still. I do not know.

PINK MAGIC

Once there was a boy named Tom. He lived in the heart of the woods with his family. One hot day with all the windows open he went to sleep. Suddenly before you could say, "Halloween" an ugly witch flew in the open window. "Wake up" stormed the witch. Tom woke up in a flash. "Wha--oh you can't fool me with that costume, Mary!" said Tom. The witch flew into a rage! "Ghosts white, bats black ink. Make this house pink." "Is this a joke or something? That's just some pink lights,” said Tom. But did the witch fly into a rage! "Ghosts white, bat black ink your skin is pink!" screamed the witch. You'll now find Tom in the Strange Creatures Zoo.

THE HALLOWEEN ELF AND THE STUPID WITCH

One Halloween night the Halloween Elf was dancing. “I wonder where the stupid old witch is who chases me every other night?” thought the elf. Just then the stupid old witch flew by. "I have got you now!" cackled the witch. The elf ran as fast as he could. Soon he came to a house. He looked around desperately for a hiding place. He saw a jack-o'-lantern on the steps leading to the porch. He jumped in and blew out the candle and hoped for the best. The witch who didn't have good eyesight said, "All these years I've wondered what the Halloween Elf's trick was and now I know. It is turning into a Jack-o'-lantern! And never again did she chase the elf.

ALARM CLOCK

My alarm clock wakes me every morn
It did that since the day I was born
It is so useful to me
It wakes me up for breakfast!
I don't have to wait for my clock to say ding
Isn't that alarming?

THOUGHTS

A nice thought always follows,
Pretty smiles and happy faces.
A dreamy thought is nice to think,
Of happy and faraway places.

A bad thought is not nice to think,
A frown, a furrowed brow,
And sometimes it might lead
To an awful, awful row!

A bad thought, a nice thought,
Or a happy dreamy thought,
You're always always thinking
No matter how hard you try not!