Monday, Jan. 28, 2002 - 9:55 p.m.
Fond: Of Absence

It’s been too long. Not only has my new—probably temporary—job kept me busy, but I’ve also had a deadline, tonight, on another important matter. So now that it’s out of the way, I anticipate being able to return to fairly regular updates; I’m writing this at work. While my new job is demanding, it’s not all that busy—if that makes sense.

(Gotta love getting paid by the hour to write about sex, eh?)

Birthday Boy

Thanks for all the bee-day greetings eh? I had an extremely quiet birthday on Thursday—was in bed (alone) by around 10 pm. But Wednesday night Joey took me out for a lovely dinner and made me feel oh-so-special. He also gave me a digital camera for a gift, so look out for scads of up-close-&-personal crotch shots coming soon to a QS entry near you!

(You think I’m kidding, don’t you?)

About turning 36: no comment.

On Lust

My sex drive is coming back. (“I didn’t realize it had left,” came Joey’s sardonic reply when I announced as much the other day.) But it is. Desire had dissipated there for a while. And it’s back. I’m back. But it’s—I’m—different, somehow.

For instance, the locker room at the gym. Ever since my move, for the most part it hasn’t been the erotic space it once was. The furtive, often coldly impersonal vibe of the “quick let’s cop a feel while no one’s looking” sexuality that constantly goes on there seems to have lost its appeal.

And now, lately, a couple luscious incidents have, um, gotten a rise out of me.

One night last week as I toweled off after a sauna and shower, I was unable to keep my eyes off this sumptuous young Asian guy showering in front of me. His body was incredible: smooth and toned and oh so lickable. And then he finished his shower and began to dry off a very few feet away from me, his shy, curious eyes meeting mine for the first time. Guys were wandering back and forth from the showers to the sauna while he and I stood there, rather innocently, heat and light bouncing between our naked bodies. It was hot. Unconsciously, I began employing my towel qua veil, concealing and revealing glimpses of the tumescent effect his wondrous proximity was having on me; he was very curious about all that. Pleased, too.

And that was all that happened.

Another night—I believe it was my birthday—as I changed into my gym clothes I watched a young brunette fellow disrobe beside me. He was way cute; I was certainly intrigued to watch the show he was putting on. When he slipped out of his trousers—no underwear—my eyes nearly popped out of my head: can you say “horse dick”, boys and girls? It was the largest flaccid penis I’ve seen in aeons. The kind that can’t help but make you—well, me, at least—feel inadequate. So as I stood there naked, stealing as many glances his way as absolutely possible, lust was mixed with insecurity.

And then he looked over at me and gave me a big smile.

It was a delicious moment.

Just my luck, when I returned to the locker after my workout, Horse-Dicked-Boy was there too, having just changed back into his clothes. I didn’t time it right to see him naked again, nor to meet up with him in the shower or sauna, but I did get a few more cruisey grins.

And that was all that happened.

These are the kinds of experience that bring me back to desire’s rich promise.

Bad Babysitter

This past Saturday I dreamt that my cousin Audrey—who is childless—had me look after her baby. I don’t know if it was a boy or girl. But Audrey gave me explicit instructions to keep the baby in the fridge, so that’s what I did. Whenever I’d open the fridge door, there it would be, propped up beside the milk; the baby cried often.

Later in the dream, I was out cavorting—on some rather stupendous sexual adventure, the details of which I remembered vividly upon waking but, alas, now escape me. I had a hard-on, I remember, and all of a sudden—far away from my apartment—it dawned on me that I had never once fed the baby! I’d been keeping it for several days at this point, and now realized that’s why it was crying so much.

Sickened, I imagined that by the time I got back to my apartment it would probably have died of starvation, sitting there in the fridge surrounded by all that food.

I woke up, rock-hard and guilt-laden.

Boy In The Window

Yesterday afternoon I was working away here on this “other important matter”; it was a wintery day, and I gawked out my window even more than usual at the strange sight of snow.

And this sexy young blond man sauntered by and cruised me, walking slowly, stopping several times to look back and eventually crossing the street. He stood there, eyeing me intently.

I knew this would happen eventually; since I moved into this second-floor apartment, my fantasy has been to “get sex” precisely this way.

And he was so lovely looking!

As I sat here gawking at him, I took a quick inventory. It was 5 pm. Colin would be arriving for dinner in 2 hours; I needed to get this “important matter” done, written up, by then. And I needed a shower. And my house was horribly messy; the bedsheets needed laundering.

All of which is to say that it wouldn’t have been a good idea to enact my fantasy just then. But all he’d have needed to do was smile, or beckon in some irresistible way and I’d have overrode every good reason.

He crossed back over to my side of the street, a saucy bounce in his step. He did not smile. He stared, then looked away, then stared at me again.

I did not smile either. I waited. I waited out his gaze. He walked away.

I was so excited about everything that had felt briefly possible. I’d only have needed to give him the slightest smile or wave and he’d have waited there for me to come down and let him in the front door. I was glad, under my circumstances, that I did not.

Some agendaless day, redolent of fresh flesh and sheets, may he saunter by again.

(Cock) Teaser

Stay tuned for all the dirt on my Saturday night out at the tubs!