2001-06-14 - 7:53 p.m.
More On Erotic Racism

More On Erotic Racism

In the past couple days The Tinman has taken up a topic near and dear to my hard-on: the interplay between sexual desire and race. I’ve been calling this issue "erotic racism," a term he rejects: I’ll respond to that below.

(His entries are here and here.)

It’s refreshing to dialogue about this with someone so thoughtfully intelligent and, well, sexy. Reading his entries and dialoguing with Tinman on email today has been stimulating rather than contentious.

But I’m also apprehensive about entering the fray; while I’ve made more than a few comments on the subject here, this is my first response to another online journaler’s thoughts. As I said in an email to Tinman today, I’ve written quite a bit about erotic racism yet have never been satisfied; I’m always left feeling that there’s more to say, to squeeze out of me.

So, here goes… I’ll take a stab at this in FAQ form.

What’s the big deal about some gay white men being unattracted to non-white guys?

Tinman has helped me clarify within myself that the biggest deal I have relates to how we talk about it.

If some white queer is unfortunate enough not to be attracted to an entire race, that’s his loss. I do believe such a blockage is the result of growing up in a racist society, but the state of unattractedness in and of itself is not something I have a big problem with. As far as prejudice goes, it’s pretty benign. As Tinman argues, denying sex to someone—be that for any picky reason—is hardly oppressing them.

What increasingly concerns me is how we gay white men express our views—our pickinesses—regarding race and desire. I'm troubled by the bonding vibe I so often sense among GWMs when they discuss non-white men. I want to puke—or scream, or cry—when I hear the sneering tone with which statements like "Oh, I don’t do Asian" or "I’m not into black men" get uttered.

But why call it ‘erotic racism’? A rather loaded term, don’t you think?

Maybe it is; perhaps in this postmodern era "racism" has been so bandied about it fails to carry much ethical weight. The “Disappointed” Asian man who originally signed Tinman’s guestbook says he has abandoned the word altogether. I wish I could think of a better one. Tinman’s "sexual pickiness" doesn’t cut it for me: ‘picky’ fails to take into account the marginalizing consequences of gay white male discourse on race.

Perhaps I can clarify—at least to myself—the sense in which I use the word "racism". I believe all those nasty prejudices—racism, sexism, homophobia—get imprinted deep within all of us, no matter what our racial, gendered or erotic identity. It’s just a fact. North American culture has been and remains deeply prejudiced along all those axes. It’s impossible not to get personally steeped in such muck. And I don’t think we ever completely transcend it: I certainly haven’t.

While I’m delighted that I no longer view potential sex partners through bigoted eyes, cruelly racist thoughts burble up into my consciousness several times a day. So too do sexist notions. And definitely, much homophobia remains inside me.

Call it a bleeding-heart-liberal stance; call it whatever you like. That’s the truth as I feel it: we are all stained by cultural prejudice. Accepting that has enabled me to make a lot of honest progress with some of this stuff, and I guess I believe that’s the best anyone can do.

So while “racism” may be a loaded word these days, I’m not using it in that shaming, so-called ‘politically correct’ way. What’s more, I insist on calling a spade a spade: viewing an entire ethnic group as sexually undesirable is racist (and if someone suggests a more appropriate word than “racist”, I’d like to hear it); so too, the other stereotypes that regularly surface in my awareness are equally racist. Should we be tarred and feathered for honestly admitting these truths? No. But let’s call it what it is.

Because that’s when the psyche’s healing curiosity kicks in.

Curiosity?

Yeah, curiosity. This is really the biggest part of my spiel. Once I admitted and accepted that I was sexually attracted only to other white guys, I got curious about it. I did not change out of some politically-correct motivation; I simply opened up. My eyes widened. More sexiness got in.

This didn’t happen overnight, but happen it did. I began to respond to men of color with the same variance of attraction/non-attraction as I did to white guys. Probably the most exciting, enriching development in my so-called adult life.

There’s no need to apologize for erotic racism, but I’d like to see more white guys address the issue like Tinman has: honestly, curiously. Let’s stop smugly saying “I don’t do Asian” and probe a little deeper.

I’m here to tell you, it’s unlearnable.

Okay, what about Tinman’s question, “Is screening one's sexual partners based on race or ethnicity harmful to society?”

Queer community forms largely on the basis of erotic attraction, which is why I think there’s a crucial social dimension to the issue. Ask any non-white gay man how easy it is to plug into predominantly-white queer society.

But Tinman makes important points that preclude an automatic linkage between erotic racism and other, obviously harmful forms of prejudice. When the only racist bone in your body swings between your legs, I’m not particularly incensed (depending on how you talk about it).

Conversely, he points out that just because a white guy wants to fuck an Asian guy doesn’t mean he’s not bigoted in lots of other ways. That’s a whole other kettle of fish, fetishizing race.

These are complicated issues; there’s a lot I don’t yet know how to say. Hopefully other voices will join in. I’d be particularly interested in hearing from non-white folks on the topic.

“Should we fuck for world peace?”

Sounds hot to me.

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