2001-02-25 - 15:42:15
Notes Toward An Entry About My Night With Keith
Notes Toward An Entry About My Night With Keithhe arrived on time
(Alex said this morning he’d been worried Keith wouldn’t show)
songs Keith selected off Alex’s MP3 player:
-Dido – Thank You (DJ Julio tarzance in nazare remix)-Queer As Folk – Doin’ It (Nathan’s Theme)
-Sade – By Your Side
-Toni Braxton – Spanish Guitar
song I selected:
-Donna Summer – Love To Love You Baby (Orgasm Mix)
candles, don’t forget the candles
try to capture how hot it was when he pulled me off the couch onto the floor
how he pressed his swollen crotch into my face – the aroma when I bit
how I forgot his torso was smooth - how much more toned he is than before
that he couldn’t keep his hands off my ass
what his afro-curled armpits tasted like
how lightly he flicked my nipples with his tongue
how much I missed him as I tasted every square inch
his silky skin
how he kept asking, softly, with concern, “Are you alright?” – just like before – my moans and murmurs troubling him, exciting him
what his asshole tasted like – colossal cock pulled back behind so I could lick the whole lovely line of him down there
how he kept pushing his hand up against my mouth so my exclaimings wouldn’t wake Alex up
then, his two fingers fucking my throat – my aroused confusion – then how I understood as those fingers jabbed into me, lower down
him saying—breathy, urgently, how bad he wanted to fuck me
oh yeah baby
how intense, evenly-matched our desire – like before – like back then
how much I needed that
his armpits
his belly
kissing, lip-chewing, hot drool dribbling down my chin into his mouth, staining Alex’s carpet
“Are you alright?”
his fat cock stretching my throat
how hot it all was, loving to love him baby
moved onto the air mattress in Alex’s empty dining room: my bed
large condom, at hand
Keith’s dick, too thick, not quite hard enough – I tried and tried, ended up ruining one large condom in the process of unrolling
enlisted his help for the second attempt
how much it hurt – how slow and gentle he went in
but no – stop – it hurts
he stopped – rubbed himself up against me, kissed and hugged me
and lost his hard-on
said he needed to “regroup” – rolled off me – lay there, motionless, eyes closed
how this was all fine for about 4 minutes
before that voice inside me said “He’s not attracted to you.”
how I started to feel shitty, this beautiful man lying there beside me, uncommunicative, almost sleeping
that he glanced at the clock – “wow, it’s 230 am already” – how I feared that would be it, he’d pick up and leave
how I calmed myself down, summoned up that elusive wherewithal
let’s make something beautiful happen, I said to myself
to him I said, “okay, so I’m leaving town Monday and probably won’t see you for another six months or a year”
I said, “and we have a brief, beautiful history together”
I said, “and I want to take a risk here, tell you what’s going on for me”
I said what was going on - my insecurity that I knew wasn’t true because of the prolonged intensity between us up until he rolled off – perhaps he could have attempted to fake all that but no I know the difference
how he murmured that my insecurities were way off base
as he caressed me gently, murmuring, by the dim light of that candle
“and hey, you know, if you were no longer attracted to me, I would live, eh?” I said
“it wouldn’t be the end of the world” I said
“it wouldn’t be the end of the world because of what we’ve made together, already, how much I care about you”
murmuring cuddles
transfiguring back to a slow gathering heat
his beautiful black chest beneath my fingertips
wandering fingertips
down beneath the sheet wrapped round his waist
a big boner throbbing there
curing my neurosis instantly
“talking can be an aphrodisiac” I said
he nodded – were his eyes even a bit moist?
tabs and slots lined up again
“breathe” he said
“am I hurting you?” he asked
he was – fabulously
stopping and starting
writhing
my head banging against the wall
his hands stopping up my mouth so I wouldn’t scream
all the way up inside me
“you have no idea how many times I’ve jerked off thinking about this” I said
legs up on his shoulders
then doggie-style – the best connect – mental note to self about that position
liberal re-applications of lube
slurpy kisses - a melting glow of friendship lighting up the room
rejoicing at what we’ve made
so fucking beautiful
how I thought I was done, the pain too much
but how then I saw him lying there on his back, his condomed cock still spasming
how I crawled on top of him and sat down upon it
“Oh my god, I think I could cum like this” I said “without touching myself”
how excited that made him
how I thought it actually might happen
but it didn’t
so I helped myself along
clinging and clasping to the stretch of his presence
as I spurt all over him
“Impressive” he said
how I collapsed
how happy I was
what I said then
I said “You once told me not to fall in love with you”
my chin resting on his rock-hard pecs
I said “So I didn’t”
“But I love you” I said
as I almost cried
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