2001-01-24 - 18:50:23
Happy Bee-Day To Me

Happy Bee-Day To Me

Many thanks for all the bee-day wishes, eh?

I am having a relaxing, lazy day. Snorting and smiling at the emails, guestbook entries and phone calls; struggling with a piece of writing which some lovely Diarylanders have helped me out with. Smoking. Drinking coffee. Navel-gazing.

Have you heard of the puer aeternus thing? Jung thought immature men were trapped in adolescent psychologized states, yet he recognized the good things about this "eternal youth" complex: spontaneity and openness to change. I prefer to think of myself as boyish, thank you very much.

Funny how bent out of shape I was about turning 35; nothing like being cruised and getting laid to dissolve my anxieties in that department.

Deep down, I'm a very superficial person.

Speaking of getting laid, yummy Kentaro's coming over again tonight, after Joey, Matt and Trevor take me out for dinner. (See Matt's reminiscences about past birthday celebrations.) Happy birthday to me, is right!

I called Kentaro "luscious" in a recent email. His reply: i looked up for "luscious" 'cause i didn't know it. i became blush in front of computer when i figured out. Tonight I plan to teach him another essential English word: callipygian. Here's to experiential learning, eh?

"It takes courage to grow up and turn out to be who you really are," writes e.e. cummings; in that sense, I suppose I am growing up. Which means I'm sometimes more open to possibility than I once was. But I am not--I repeat, not--growing up in that other, boring, practical sense. Blech!

Exclamations throb in my chest, beelining up my throat. I'm clutching at them, clenching the words down. Too embarrassing. Goofy goofy words.

I can't hold them in; the silliness spurts out my mouth in spite of myself. An immature ejaculation.

"Life doesn't have to make any sense! Go with it, risk it, suck it in and blow it out! Lick the world and fuck the world and scrawl outside its margins!"

See, I told ya.

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